Ever watched your child walk along the edge of a cliff with no safety net?

That’s how everyday situations feel when you have a child with life-threatening food allergies. 

The events that are meant to be relaxing and enjoyable suddenly become your worst nightmare. A delicious appetizer at a party looks like a loaded 9-millimeter in a room full of innocent, clueless children. You want to interact and socialize, but you just can’t. You are too terrorized by the thought of missing that one piece of food. The one that might be on that toy that your child might grab the second you turn away. And all you want to do is grab your child, run home, and stay where you know they are safe. 

You sound like a broken record…

You explain yourself over and over and over – to new people, to the same people. And because you can’t remember who already knows, you find yourself repeating the same information to people who’ve already heard it a hundred times. You know some of them understand, and you appreciate them immensely for it. But you also know that some of them just don’t, even if you’ve explained it a million times over. And it’s hard to not get upset with them. Because to YOU, it is a disregard for your child’s life and safety. But in reality, they may just truly not understand.

You hear others talk about their food allergies or sensitivities that may cause a stuffy nose, a slight rash, or some other discomfort. And you realize that some people don’t hear you when you say your child could actually die from eating certain foods because in their mind, food allergies are manageable.

It’s exhausting. And it’s painful -mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. 

Special needs are isolating. It’s so much safer for your child with life-threatening food allergies if you just avoid the parties. But my son loves the parties, so we go when we can.

And when we do, I am the helicopter mom.

I am the mom who follows him from room to room.

I am the mom who asks him what he ate if his hand is anywhere near his face.

I am the mom who appears crazy because I hit the panic button if my son is out of my sight for a second.

I’ve been the mom at my daughter’s dance class who everyone was staring at because my son took a cheerio from a stranger… and I just about lost my mind. Ok let’s be real. I flipped, the {bleep}, out. (I think I scared that lady a little. But seriously, do NOT give food to kids you don’t know without asking their parents’ permission. Ever. It could be a matter of life or death. You don’t want that burden.)

I am at my 100% stress max, running on fumes of faith and high alert, anytime we are around other people.

For that reason, I do my best to never judge another mom who seems like an unraveling stress bomb that appears to be flipping out on her kids for no reason. Because I don’t know what she’s dealing with. Just like everyone who witnesses my “crazy” doesn’t know what I’m dealing with.

Normal, everyday situations no longer feel normal.

At stores, I clean the entire seat and surrounding area of the cart, and I flip out if he touches the seat belt (cause you just can’t clean that thing enough). That’s fun to do in front of judgmental onlookers, by the way.

When we visit anyone else’s house, I can’t help but wonder if there is Cheetos residue on anything he may touch. When we have guests, we worry that their kids might have dairy/egg residue on their hands or clothes and get it all over our kids’ toys, making our own home dangerous.

Going out to eat, which should be relaxing, turns into a big event of cleaning the entire table and chairs with our own wipes (because we can’t trust the restaurant towels to actually be clean), making sure we wipe our hands after everything we touch so we don’t contaminate his food, and keeping our food away from his food that we bring with us since he can’t eat anything from anywhere… it’s quite a scene.

So to our friends and family, please just know this…

…if we don’t attend a gathering, or invite you over very often, it’s not because we don’t like you. It’s just because I am still trying to figure out how to balance safety and social interaction with my curious and overly friendly munchkin whose life is put at risk in most normal social situations. I am trying to figure out how to watch him dance along the cliff, while staying close enough to catch him if he starts to fall, without just snatching him up and holding him where I know he’s safe. I am trying. He is learning. And we are taking it day by day. One day, he’ll either grow out of these allergies or learn to manage them on his own. But until then, all we can do is our best and continue working on creating some sort of balance.