I’m tired.

I’m tired of saying, “Can’t wait to see you again!”

I’m tired of saying, “When this is all over…”

I’m tired of disappointing my kids, my family, our friends, with cancelled plans.

I’m tired of arguments over the unknown.

I’m tired of false hope.

I’m tired of chasing the light at the end of the tunnel that keeps moving farther away.

I’m tired of the monotony.

I’m tired of pretending it’s normal to be surrounded only by the people in your house, day in and day out, for months on end, with no end in sight.

I’m tired of wondering when we will be able to break out of this strange way of living.

I miss people.

I miss family gatherings that were already too few and far between.

I miss watching my kids play with their friends.

I miss watching my daughter dance.

I miss watching my son learn new karate moves.

I miss seeing their faces light up when we visit their cousins.

I miss listening to my other mom friends share their stories of their wild and crazy misadventures in motherhood with me as our kids play freely at the park.

I miss church.

I miss singing in church.

I miss mom’s night outs.

I miss being happy to come home.

I miss being away from home.

I miss the library and all of the books that are waiting for us to read them.

I miss having new experiences and adventures with my munchkins.

I miss watching them make new friends.

I miss meeting new mom friends at our homeschool meetups.

I miss connection and interaction.

I miss the amazing women in my prayer group.

I miss being able to hug a friend when they need it.

I miss hugs from friends.

I miss the feeling of normalcy.

I miss the time when the people in my life weren’t so divided against each other…

I don’t want to miss how I am supposed to learn and grow through all of this.

I don’t want to miss the opportunity for quality time in the midst of the massive quantities of time at home with my family.

I don’t want to come out on the other side of all of this and wonder why I didn’t do better.

I want to do better.

I want to live with no regrets, regardless of the circumstances surrounding me.

I want to make the right decisions.

I want to set a positive example for my kids through all of this.

I want to be real with them as well, letting them know that it is ok to feel the struggle. Because it’s not supposed to be this way. But that it is in our struggles that some of our most important decisions and actions must take place.

I want my kids to see me seeking God’s face in the uncertainty.

I want them to know that He is my certainty. That in my weaknesses, He is my strength. And He will be theirs as well if they allow Him to be.

I want them to know that just because something is difficult, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

I want them to know that this troubled world is temporary, and that we have a much greater hope that awaits us…

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:10

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:16