Some people say finding new mom friends is like blind dating.
Well, I am married and have been on zero blind dates in my life. So there’s that.
About 3 years ago my little family moved to a new city. Away from the rest of our family, friends, church, my job… I knew no one. And I have always been the WORST at meeting people.
Also, I became a full time homeschooling momma and worked with seniors on the weekends after we moved, so I no longer even had a job where I could meet people my age.
Um, hello loneliness.
My kids needed friends. I needed friends. So I needed to do something about it for all of us.
Here are some of things that helped me to step out of my comfort zone and meet some other mommas and kiddos:
- Find, and JOIN, local mom groups.
This was the #1 most important thing that I did after moving that helped me to meet other moms. One of the greatest things about it was that there are always other moms who are new to the area joining these groups, because they too want to make new local mom friends. So already I shared 2 things in common with some of them – 1) we’re moms, and 2) we all want to make new friends. #winwin
- Just go out and do the things!
Ok, this was the real challenge. It’s easy to join a group online, but when it comes to showing up in person? Uhhhh…
Fortunately, some of the groups I joined were homeschool groups and the events were for the kids, so it was more of an obligation to bring them and less of an obligation for me to interact with anyone. I could just stay focused on my kids and it wouldn’t be weird at all if I didn’t talk to anyone else, right? Sometimes, sure. But the important thing was that we SHOWED UP. They met other kids, and eventually when you see the same moms repeatedly, you start talking to each other. And I am SO thankful for our homeschool groups and the amazing mommas I have met through them.
I also joined a group that is all about the mommas. It’s about building community, supporting each other, getting together for mom’s night out and such. It can be easy to just interact online in these types of groups – asking questions about the area, sharing advice, etc. But when the opportunity comes to meet other mommas face to face, it makes a world of difference.
When I think about how my life is different because of the women I have met when I just showed up, it has truly been life-altering. I’m so thankful for these women, these other mommas who are in the trenches of motherhood with me, who have enriched my life so much in big and small ways. I’m thankful that I decided to show up when I was unsure. And I’m thankful that they showed up too.
- Be your awkward self.
I don’t care how awkward you think you are, you are not alone. Some other momma around you is feeling just as awkward as you, if not more. By not allowing yourself to just be you, in all your awkwardness, she might not feel like she’s free to just be her awkward self too. And you could miss out on an awesome bond of awkwardness that you can both laugh (and maybe cry) about one day.
- Don’t try to be everyone’s cup of tea. (Cause they might just prefer coffee.)
Not everyone is going to like you. And that is O-K.
Actually it’s more than ok, because some people just will not like you. No matter what.
You’ll be too pretty for them… you won’t be pretty enough… your purse might be too cheap… your clothes might be too expensive… your hair will be too messy… your hair will be too perfect… blahhhhh. Makes me nauseous thinking about it.
Be you. Eventually you’ll find your people. (Even if it takes a while to find them because you’re all too awkwardly afraid to talk to each other.)
And last but not least…
- Be kind to everyone you meet.
You’re going to meet mommas who are having a bad day. They may be battling anxiety or depression. You’re going to meet mommas who are facing difficulties in their marriage. Or they may have recently lost a job or a loved one. You never know. And when you first meet someone, they are more than likely not going to tell you any of those things.
Just be kind.
Be gracious. Be willing to give second chances (and third, and fourth). I have met other mommas that I was sure I would not become friends with, because I thought they had zero interest in talking to or getting to know me. Some of those same mommas have actually become dear friends of mine. I am so thankful that I didn’t write them off because of that first interaction. And I am so thankful they didn’t write me off either. (That’s another thing, we may not always come off as delightful as we may think… it goes both ways!)
If you have any other suggestions on making new mom friends, please feel free to share in the comments! We’re all in this motherhood thing together.
XOXO ~Kristin
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